I was at looking out of the window last night as the day faded. I never tire of the feeling of calm when listening to a good piece of music and watching the sky dim and darken into night. Blues through orange to copper to at last a deepening violet that holds the silhouette of a monkey-puzzle tree with such a sharp angular clarity not seen in daylight. Too soon the last vestiges of birdsong fade and all is laid bare to the wanderings of the soul through the solitude of silence. To know we cannot endure amongst such loveliness and must leave sooner or later eats at the soul like a curse. For I have you in my life and I would wish to stay till your soul is content and your sense enriched by all that I can give.
Out walking in the veil of night I see a footprint in the moist earth and I place my foot to the indent in the soft brown earth. It will not fit for my foot is too large. Yet I caress the shape beneath with softness driven by memory of long ago when two people walked along the shore and their passage through time marked as indents on golden sand. For you were here and my soul wishes you were here now. For often it seems that living keeps us apart when we should be together. Weights and joys of our past bred responsibilities to others and they lead us on roads we do not wish to travel. Age creeps into our lives and makes us less that we were physically and yet the heart still burns and I miss you even when I can’t be with you. You are the candle under my flame and without you I would gutter and dim to nothing. I miss you and then I see the blackest sky hung with stars and framed through the branches that hang low on the hilltop is you. My heart loves you and shall always love you forever.
Where shall we go tonight? Shall we visit the earth before we were here and stand on the crest of a hill to watch dinosaurs. Or travel far into the future when we shall at last have learnt that the creator(s) was / were flawed and were without the greatest by-product of their new assembled universe. This was the accidental creation of our, (not their) collective humanity. For they could not have been planned that way at the outset. Perhaps it comes too late, but it comes and slowly we will overtake that which brought us to here.
I often wonder how it comes to be that the world could be created in such savagery. Man will subjugate and kill, (if he can,) all other men that move within his jurisdiction. All that walks on the Earth consumes a part of it and like some huge and terrible pyramid of butchery the world feasts upon its inhabitants. I think some term it dispassionately the food chain. How could a world that turns and rejoices in its bloodlust move forward? How could a world on such a barbaric scale be created? I find it hard to believe that a beneficent power would consciously do it knowing the suffering that it would bring for aeons. So we are left with three conclusions.
The world is a random collection of elements that sprang into life from a chaotic chance.
A divine being created the world.
The world was seeded by other beings for other purposes not known to us yet.
For we are a small world full of people locked inside a limitless universe that we cannot grasp the size or consequence of. We are at last moving beyond the limits superstition set ourselves into sciences that enable the disassembling of the keys of life and yet we are still within as savage as the Neanderthal we sprang from. Time has not tempered our innate capacity to hate and to destroy on a massive scale and as our numbers rise our individual self-importance grows less. It is as though we are programmed not to care for others outside (and sometimes within) our small social groups.
All our lives we all wrangle with choices that hover between selfish acts and naked greed. How often have we gone for the choice that harms others? Winners and losers and how a whole ethic of avarice and covetous behaviour is flimsily covered with a feeling of superiority. How brave are those that stand and be counted and will not submit. So often blinded and wrong in their choices and yet absolute in the cause within their heart.
It is going to be a nice day. I can’t see out the window but I can see the sunshine reflected in the yellow walls of the room. I switched rooms last year and I miss the view out of the window on to the trees. I am sure it inspired me much more than I care to realise. Inspiration to write is a fragile thing. Generally it occurs at the most inconvenient time. Such as a works meeting when I want to stop the work and let the words flow. Or in my head among the thoughts and idle dreams grows an epic of biblical proportions that needs to be transmuted into readable verse. For now time quickens and creative pulses slow among me and my contemporaries and I realise at last that my lives easy summer living grows rapidly toward a cooler autumn. For the though takes shape that this is all there is and I would wish for more. It is hard to comprehend we shall not endure. Hard to think I may never see you again. Yet we are equal for I think this is just as hard for you. It is difficult to see an end when we also feel a call.
There is breath from across all the ages singing to us still. Its harmony set to the beat of shooting stars flying sparsely through obsidian heavens. I cannot hear the words but the melody touches my soul rendering it immortal. For within us on the very border of consciousness must lie the sum of all that has gone before. We are the repositories of time itself. Stardust woven into life with all the memories of the universe. Close your eyes and see that which crawled from vapid seas to splutter and live upon the lands. That surely killed to survive and yet still loved. Slowly over the millennia it grew into that which resides in you, (and me.) Long gone are the ones who brought us here but within us lies their whispers spoken ever softer as the generations pass. Perhaps one day all will still and we shall evolve to a greater plane. But for now the whispers hold sway and we can only dream. Tonight I shall dream of you and only you. For love defines itself as memories and dreams made alive in each other’s arms. You are here and I reach out to touch you and I realise that throughout the rest of my life your soul shall be always at my side. I love you.